Thursday, August 20th, 2009
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11:08 pm
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I'm so near the point of BEYOND EXHAUSTION...
Today should have been Friday since I worked all day Sunday...but tomorrow is another off-and running from the moment the alarm sounds (maybe I should sleep in my skechers?!)
Been mulling over realtionships in my head... just when I think I've gotten over someone...BAM... I remember how a year ago I thought I would die without him. Now it's best to not go back even though there is a small tug at my heart when I see him; he calls or texts.
Now I sit terrified of this new thing in my life. There was a spark like I hadn't seen in forever... then it's like someone hit the stop button. Now it's dormant. I'm standing in darkness and lost. I don't know what to do. Tif says to just keep breathing.... sometimes I forget :).
The state of my "health limbo" worries me. As do the chest pains. I'M TOO YOUNG FOR ALL THIS--even my doctor says so.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to sleep for days, weeks. I want to cry until there's nothing left of me.
I feel so broken. :-(
current mood:  indescribable
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
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8:57 pm - And so it continues...
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Well had to get a new Neurologist.... and he did some more tests (I can just hear the little cash register sounds) and we discovered that my pain is not nerve damage. YAY.
.... but then.... I still have ZERO answers. :-P
Le Sigh.
current mood:  distressed
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(comment on this)
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Monday, June 22nd, 2009
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8:00 pm
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Soooooooooo.........
No breakthroughs in the medical arena....still no answers. (BIG SIGH)
Work is uber-busy right now.... the next three weeks will run me ragged no doubt.
It's officially summer, so that means I will be hiding indoors. :-)
current mood:  crazy
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, May 11th, 2009
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7:57 pm - 8 Months In.....
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And so the Medical Tango continues....
I saw an ENT for my sinus issues... after he stuck stuff up my nose while trying to ask me questions, which whenever I started to answer he just ran right over what I was saying with a new question. Then he sprayed two things up my nose... and left me alone... I sneezed a bit. Then the taste started...a familiar taste/sensation....OH YES...Novacaine. A long camera tube was also shoved up my nose... I sneezed a bit more. Then I was scheduled for a CT Scan and off I was sent..... I left thinking "What the Hell just happened?!" I also think he made my cold/whatever worse!
**Apparently CT Scan came back normal. (I'm beginning to wonder what constitutes "NORMAL" with my doctors.)
I am now set for the allergy tests on Friday morning... OOOOOH BOY. I. AM. SO. EXCITED. :-P
FINALLY saw the Neurologist.... he determined that it was the LARGE nerve that runs up the entire length of the inside of my leg............ WHAT?!!! YOU DON'T SAY. FOR REALS?! THE NERVE IN MY LEG?! Go figure.
So I await another CT Scan.... and a ridiculous amount of blood work is set to be done (both on the 22nd).
Le sigh....
current mood:  blank
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Monday, April 13th, 2009
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9:27 pm
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I'll update one of these days. :-P
Lately i've just been aggitated about a lot of things...mostly stupid people and motorists. And Indiana (where a multitude of the above come from).
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, March 5th, 2009
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7:47 pm
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Just can't seem to get rid of this "crude" it keeps coming back. :-P
Doesn't help I feel like $%!#^ and have to work this Saturday AND next Saturday.
Le Sigh.
current mood:  sick
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, February 28th, 2009
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8:55 pm
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I'm so ready for all this pain to be done with.
Another MRI is scheduled, but I don't get to see the next "specialst" until the 18th.
Physical Therapy still continues.
current mood: blah
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, February 19th, 2009
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11:14 pm - FYI...
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Due to recent and culminating events I have a new phone number. If you have tried to text me the past 24 hrs....your messages are now floating out in binary ether somewhere.
Currently I am not sharing this number. Basically only my mom, dad, sister, and boss have it. I just need some "ME TIME" and peace and quiet. I need to not become overly anxious or feel sick when my phone goes off.
I'm taking a mini off-the-grid vacation. Going to spend some time alone and again just have some quiet and rest.
When I am ready, then I will give out my number.
If you want to communicate you can e-mail me.
current mood: nauseated
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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2:55 pm
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So I got my snow. woo hoo. Everything shut down in town except Wal-Mart, the gym, Bob Evans, and of course MY PHYSICAL THERAPIST!!! So I still had to get up before the sun to be tortured. He is optomistic since I seem to be getting stronger (SLOWLY) and I go and see the Orthopedic Surgeon this week.
I wouldn't mind more snow though. :-)
current mood:  awake
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
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6:02 pm
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Sunday, January 18th, 2009
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11:28 pm
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Pain.
Wonder if I'll be able to cope IF it ever goes away.
current mood:  curious
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
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12:40 am - In addition ... (to the last entry...)
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To get this out of the way for past, present, future, parallel universe suitors...
I do not plan to have children. I've been told before that that is a "deal breaker"...and I just don't want kids. So there will be no strapping young man to carry on the family name. Sorry. Having my own offspring is not for me.
If you've been reading these entries and think I'm a mean-spirited person, I'm sorry you feel that way considering I tend to be an overly nice person that often gets mistaken for a doormat.
If you're surprised and thought that I'm a happy person, call the Academy and tell them to give me an Oscar.
Today's Words To Live By Boys and Girls....
If you cry while in the shower, the hot water washes away the tears, and it's like you never cried at all.
current mood: depressed
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Monday, December 29th, 2008
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11:13 pm
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
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2:57 pm - An "ice advisory"?!? YEAH, I KNOW, THANKS.
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Okay... sooo yeah I had a little bit of an accident yesterday. I hit some ice on the road--from that wonderful freezing rain that sprang up on us late morning. Instead of turning into the slide...I panicked, didn't think and hit the brakes. LOST control of my car. (if you haven't seen it--I had to get rid of Charlotte and now have a Jeep Liberty). I did a 360, more like a 595--spun a little more then slid backward into a ditch, slamming down on the driver side as it hit an incline in the ditch. Luckily, Artemis, the jeep, caught in the mud and prevented me from rolling over. I wasn't hurt aside from my ego, a couple of bruises and a lot of soreness. Thank goodness I wear my seatbelt. Had it not been for the two blown out tires on the driver's side, which knocked the rims out of place, I could have hit four-wheel drive and just pulled myself out of the ditch and straightened myself up and returned to the road. Some nice gentelmen stopped to check on me and make sure I was okay. I managed to call the police, my parents, AAA, and then my boss before I broke down in scared-the-crap-outta-me tears.
I drove to work this morning doing 5 under the speed limit due to the pouring rain.
current mood: sore
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Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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8:18 pm - Past Two Weeks......
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Well the annual Christmas Potluck has come and gone. Got some Gir swag. Sweeeet! Thanks Tara! Met someone new... and we seemed to have hit it off. :-)
Went to the Hofbrauhaus for the very first time...so I am no longer a Hofbrauhaus virgin. Woo hoo! It was so much fun.
Then I got to spend the afternoon with Mr. Wonderful. :-)
However.....I'm scared.....
current mood: anxious
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, December 20th, 2008
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12:32 am - Quandries...
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There comes a time in every girl's life when she has to decide....
Who would I want to be chained to/handcuffed to/or wear crazy exploding jewlery if we get separated???
Top Choices--in no particular order...
Karl Urban
Jason Statham
Hugh Jackman (as long as he didn't talk)
Gerard Butler (he can talk all he wants!!!)
.......i really need to get some friggin sleep........
OH SCREW IT....just chain me to Gerard!
current mood: silly
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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7:38 pm
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11 Weeks since the last entry.....
Hmmmmm.....
Well my scathingly brilliant idea went FABOOLOUSLY!!! B-day party in the Lex Vegas with all my wonderful friends.
My grandfather passed away early the morning of Oct. 20th--I my birthday card from him that afternoon in the mail--it made me cry.
Christmas Potluck is around the corner.... MORE FOOD!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
And I need to hurry up and send in my $$$$ for advance Dragon*Con registration. I already missed the 1st window!!!
current mood:  geeky
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
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8:26 pm - "From Dust to Dawn"....
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Seriously... those words were sent to me in a press release about a new skate park on Fort Knox... it is open "from dust to dawn".... it's SUPPOSED to be from dawn to dusk.... oh well.
Well.... downer note....... my grandfather is dying. Cancer is getting the better of him and we don't know how much time will be left so I will be embarking on a family journey to visit him at the end of the month. I haven't been on a family road trip since.... don't remember. And we're taking all four dogs with us. THIS WILL BE INTERESTING. And I may return with my New York accent.
I've been thinking about Dragon*Con and if I get to go again next year and my Ghosthunters are there....I SO have to think up a kick-ass plumbing question for Jason and Grant. :-)
I ALSO have had a scathingly brilliant idea...that I'd like to throw past some of you when I see you on Saturday.
My heart is slowly healing.... the trip to the ATL helped a bit with that. It still hurts but I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. But there are scars.
ANYWHO....
Word to your mother's cousin's uncle's sister's mom.
current mood: indescribable
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 5th, 2008
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11:51 pm - Snaps, Props, and Shoutouts (cross-posted)
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Don't know if y'all will see me Saturday night at Kat's b-day shindig. On Tuesday I got hit full blast with the Sinus-Crud and I just have been yucky.
I was already missing everyone when I started driving back with Corey and Katrina. Even putting on the Optimus Prime mask and staring at folks from the back seat didn't quiet bring me the excitement I hoped.
You guys have NO FRIGGIN CLUE at just HOW BADLY I needed last weekend. I had the best time and I laughed...I haven't truly laughed in a good long time. It felt good.
Thanks everyone--Corey and Katrina for the ride; Tif for rooming with me; Michael and Kevin for letting me nap; Dusty for making me question my morals; Martin for making me question everything else; Tara for being so adorable; Jason for not kicking my ass when I was the hundredth person to try and get him out of bed; Billy for being Billy; Angela for the pulling off the Scully hair; Tracey for being "DAN"; Colby for Dr. Horrible; and George for always being surprised each time he ran into me.
I also want to give a shout out to my GhostHunters.... LE SIGH....... warm fuzzies....
current mood: amused
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
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9:32 pm - Sweetmercifulcrap!
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Been under the weather..... stayed in bed ALL friggin' day Tuesday and was sent home early today.... stupid sinus crap. At least it didn't ruin my fun at Dragon*Con...which I will blog about SOON!!!
current mood: dizzy
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